honey you're a rock upon which I stand...

so where r u to rescue me from all those nightmares?
sometimes i feel so forsaken...
forgotten
sometimes I feel that I'm away from this world...
I miss me. I miss my earlier years, when I was careless and beloved...
When I didn't have to give excuses for my behavior...
When I had fatherly shelter, sweet brothers...
Now, I'm getting further from where I'd like to be

now, I listen to Coldplay on desperate nights, and my friends aren't there either...
I guess things are how they're supposed to be... Mr. Yutaka told me that I would ever be lonely... Not much friends, not much for me to be attached to.

Free, incredibly talented, but always lonely...

'you're a master', he told me.
'you can learn anything you'd like to, you can do anything you want, but you'll always be a lonely person', and I don't know if that's what I want.

of course it's my fault.
i always get bored from everyone... I don't like much company. I don't like to be in a place where there are more than 5 persons talking about nothing...
I like to do productive things. I have this urge which impells me to build, create, learn, live.

however... i get bored so easily...I don't seem to be able to finish any work... The only thing that remains giving me plasure is the music.
Sweet, beloved music.

and yet, now, i feel like there was something squeezing my heart...this cold, wet hand on my throat, suffocating me... because i'm not being who I'm supposed to be...
but who the hell am I?
why the fuck do we have to be so limited by our society?
why don't we have permission to just... breathe and smile?

insonia querida
me deixa cansada
e um tanto o quanto frita

pior que café
só sintéticos
24, 48, quantas horas sem dormir?

no minimo umas 36.
remedio acabou
to começando a me descontrolar de novo
quero dormir.